When things don't go as plan

Two years since my last blog, I know! I don't have any readers anyway. Well here I am again, thoughts flowing in my brain... Strong emotions indeed messes with your brain, you are not you when you are not on your calm self. Im a generally a calm person, always thinks on the lighter side of things but sometimes I get fed up too. I had been trying to plan my life for the past years but it seems that I don't get to accomplish anything. Anybody feels the same way too? It's like you know what to do with your life, you are sure on what you want to see in the future. Then things starting to get on shape, like you can already see the small step you are making, it feels like few more struggles and sooner or later you can already smell success. BUT.. POOOFFF. You hear the BIG God says WAIT, this is not for your. This is not what I plan for you. This is not you should do. CRAP! This is what I want. You try to fight, you wrestle, even that you know you won't win.

You end up losing, you end up clueless again. I know what I want but why things aren't go as plan????!!!! I always try to do things carefully, considering everything, making sure it will lead me to the purpose I want to be. BUT maybe the purpose I am thinking is the wrong one...  Maybe .. What if this is just a challenge? If you really want it, you should pursue it, you will not stop, you will not be DISCOURAGE!

I don't know, I really don't know where to place my self right now. I'm tired.. I've been waiting for years for that breakthrough but it looks like I need more years, more struggles, more pains to reach there, to the place I don't even know where. I don't event know if I have to fight for.


Life is tough I know, life is...